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We Might Have What You Call A Problem…

September 19, 2014

We bought a new house last month. I KNOW, right?! Why am I not showing you pictures of our lovely new abode in all of its glory? Well, because I don’t have it decorated… And there’s only a few things hung on the walls… And well, it just isn’t ready. I promise that one day there will be a post on it. Today is not that day.

Today I’m talking about the fact that I believe that we have a spider infestation in our house. Do you KNOW me? Because if so, then you happen to know my debilitating fear of the disgusting creatures. So every time I walk into a room in this new house, I’m met with this:

spider-hell

Ok, it’s not exactly like that. With my imagination though… It seems like this is the corner in every room in my house. It’s more like these guys are everywhere:

wolf spider

 

I know that they aren’t poisonous but it doesn’t made them any less horrifying. Seriously, we find them EVERYWHERE. This morning I walked over to the sink to rinse out a glass and there was one just hanging out in the sink. He met a terrible fate called “the disposal.” I totally get the heebie jeebies if I think about them too long because at night… I’m positive they’re crawling on me. Just having little dance parties on my face. I’m prone to nightmares about spiders crawling on me anyways and have been known to get up and completely strip the bed in the middle of the night because I’m convinced there’s a nest of them huddled in the sheets.

Anyways, last Saturday Evie wasn’t feeling well and she had fallen asleep on the couch downstairs and I went upstairs to pick up and make the beds.  She has a pink Pillow Pet that always sits on the end of her bed and it had fallen on the floor. Daydreaming and off in my own little world, I reached down and grabbed the pillow off the floor without even bothering to look at it. So, for a good 30 seconds, I have this pillow in my hand and am arranging it on the bed and fluffing it so it doesn’t look too smashed. Then, I looked down.

pillow spider

(That’s a crappy picture… I know. It’s just that I’m entirely too lazy to go about the business of cropping it and making it look pretty because really the point is the gigantic spider that was just sitting there and contemplating eating my hand as I lovingly arranged my daughter’s toy on her bed.)

I have no idea how my heart didn’t completely stop because it felt like it did. I froze because I could see it’s beady little eyes freaking looking at me! And then! When I slowly regained movement in my legs I inched toward the door and its eyes FOLLOWED ME! Like I could see them moving!

So, I did what any adult woman would do and sprinted down the hall to find an old shoe I didn’t want anymore and decided this guy’s time had come. I raised the shoe in the air and slowly inched towards the beast, thinking any swift movements might send it flying toward my face, and then WHAP! I slammed the shoe down on top of it. Only I didn’t factor in that the pillow was really fluffy so when the show came back up the spider FLEW in to the air in my general direction.

And in (not my) proudest moment I let out a bloodcurdling “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!”

Not a scream.

An “eep.”

Evie, who was still napping on the couch at the point heard me all the way downstairs and came sprinting up the steps all the while screaming, “Mom! Mom, are you ok?!”

So, this is the event that prompted me to tell Michael that we have to call an exterminator.

His solution was to rent “Arachnophobia.”

Thanks, honey.

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