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In Which I Really Need Someone Else To Be Terrified With Me.

September 20, 2011

I have threatened to find another book buddy if Sarah doesn’t finish her Outlander series soon so we can get back to reading the same shizz. (We have the same taste about 90% of the time when it comes to books. She can handle more romance than I can, which is why I’m not reading Outlander too.) I have read 3 books in the past week and two of them have made me immediately text Sarah and scream that she has to read them IMMEDIATELY. One of them, Bumped by Megan McCafferty was awful… I did not recommend that one to Sarah. Or would I recommend that book to anyone. Ever. (Summary: Set in the future, anyone over the age of 18 is infertile so the cool thing for teenage girls to do is become pregnant and farm out their babies. It was just… weird. And the lingo was over the top. And… and… Just no. It was stupid.)

But, as many of you know, I am a lover of the young adult  variety. (Books, guys. Not people. That would be weird. And illegal.) One of my favorite sites to read is Forever Young Adult where they review all things YA and I get many of my book recommendations from there. This last one was about fairies. (These ain’t your momma’s fairies. These things are terrifying and what your nightmares are made of. Just trust. Also? Keep reading.)

Now, I did have  a dilemma in writing this post. One, I want people to read this post so that they know my questions but two, I’m going to have to spoil it so if you haven’t read it, you’re gonna have to stop here. (Sarah. Close out.) But! When you finish reading it, come back and talk to me because holy shit, I have questions. A LOT OF THEM.

This is the book:

You do not want to be one of the Chosen. Ever.

(My tailgating nails and too tan fingers… but the cover wouldn’t stay closed!)

Ok, so here’s the gist, Sam’s sister Lisa disappeared one night after she said she was going to live in the Land of the Fairies and apparently, this was a big deal in this town. (Which, understandably… a 12 year old girls tells her brother she’s going to live with the Fairy King, runs off into the woods and is never heard from again would probably raise some eyebrows.) Sam, Lisa, and Evie their cousin (and you guys do not even KNOW how much it bothered me that there was a child in this story named Evie because all of these kids?! Weird! Troublesome! CREEPY! Don’t associate that precious name with those things!) had spent that entire summer before Lisa’s disappearance playing in these woods, where at one time an entire town suposedly just vanished in the night never to be heard from again. Rumors around the town said that there was a secret door in an abandoned cellar that lead to a fairy kingdom… So, then, you know, Lisa goes missing and everyone just assumes she’s dead…

So, this is supposed to be an excerpt from the Book of Fairies...

BUT THEN.

We flash forward to present day and someone claiming to be Lisa shows up except, weird, she doesn’t really LOOK like Lisa but she knows things only Lisa would know. At this point, Sam’s girlfriend (who is actually the narrator of the present day story) is wanting to get the entire mystery solved. So they look up Evie, whom Sam hasn’t heard from since that summer, and well, Evie’s acting kind of weird too… And look, this book just gets all sorts of messed up in about 37 different ways.

If you HAVE read this book and are still alive before Teilo has taken you to be his fairy bride, did it bother you how nonchalant Sam was through 3/4s of the book?

“Oh my sister? Yeah, kidnapped by fairies. Never heard from again. You want to grab some dinner?”

“Oh that weird phone call from the little girl telling me it’s Lisa back from the Land of Fairies? Yeah, I just took a message. Weird, right? Want to catch a movie?”

“This random person claiming to be my cousin Evie just showed up out of the blue today. Said she’s agoraphobic now or something. I dunno. I wasn’t really paying attention. Did you iron my shirt for work tomorrow?”

Seriously, I feel like that is how most of Sam’s conversations went. In fact, none of the people in this book were shocked enough to my liking. I mean, guys! We are talking creepy fairy kings that kidnap kids! And then they replace them with these things called Changelings, which aren’t really people, but just look like them except more yellow and smell weird and just… *shudder. I checked on Evie THREE TIMES last night to make sure she had not been abducted by any fairies… I’m ridiculous and highly over-imaginative. I know.

You’ve got people pretending to be people they aren’t, you’ve got a completely unplanned pregnancy, (Sam, Phebes, maybe a little protection in such a dire time?? Wouldn’t hurt) you’ve got shadow people lurking in, well… the shadows… and the most terrifying thing, the thing that bothered me the most was Teilo, the Fairy King. He apparently lurks under your bed and slithers out of trap doors and in to your bedroom at night. He takes people who he wants to live with him in his kingdom and they never get to come back. Throw in two unexplained suicides, a little incest and involuntary imprisonment… and well, this is starting to sound a little like a VC Andrews novel.

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, that there are no supernatural forces at work, that nope, it’s just a bunch of loonies… You’re wrong.

They make you THINK that really the families were just really, really crazy and that a mentally handicapped son (that Evie’s mom had kept locked in her basement since birth… because that’s normal and well adjusted and… and… and…) had abducted Lisa and then accidentally knocked her up so they kept her hidden, except she dies during childbirth and welp! Oh well, guess we’ll pretend this crack whore we kidnapped to keep her company is really our daughter!  Really Sam was the only logical one and him and Phoebe were going to go off and escape all this madness and raise their kid like a normal family…

Then Phoebe gets a phone call… from Evie. She tries to explain everything, that she’s trying to save her and that really the family IS crazy BUT they were also working for Teilo. So Phoebe has a little girl… and when they take her to the nursery, Teilo gets her… and she’s replaced with a Changeling and only Phoebe can tell and nobody else believes her and THAT’S how the story ends. THAT!!!

Phoebe gets stuck with a baby that has yellow skin and smells like a mushroom and nobody believes her…

So, here are my questions:

Was Teilo ACTUALLY real or was Phoebe crazy?

Was Teilo Phoebe’s father and that’s why Phoebe could see all the things she saw?

Am I ever going to sleep again?

I’ve seriously spent a good chunk of my morning searching for some sort of forum that would just answer my questions… But alas, to no avail. Ok, kiddies, if I’m still here tomorrow and have yet to be taken to the Land of the Fairies (that stupid book said I was chosen!) I will regale you with an incredibly exciting post about my Halloween decor.

Yeah.

I’ve already got it out.

I KNOW.

Holla!

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. September 20, 2011 1:48 pm

    I stopped reading when you told me to! I LISTENED!

    Please don’t replace me. I am putting it on hold at the library now. I will squeeze it in between my class reading, book club and beloved Outlander!

  2. September 20, 2011 1:51 pm

    I couldn’t replace you even if I tried… Nobody loves the YA like we do, Sarah.

  3. September 20, 2011 8:55 pm

    You need to slow down! Silly infant doesn’t let me read so fast and I’m still stuck in the middle of Game of Thrones and Ender’s Game (which, can you believe I never read?). Gah.

  4. September 20, 2011 10:29 pm

    I’ve never even heard of Ender’s Game! And I know I’ve been reading fast as of late but it’s football season so my tv has been taken hostage on Sundays for the time being! But you can catch up. I have faith!

    • September 21, 2011 9:48 am

      Ender’s Game is INCREDIBLY GOOD. Probably why it’s a YA/SyFy “classic” (1985). Seems a lot of people had to read it in school. Game of Thrones….I’m finding very disturbing. I don’t like to get so torn up. I read a quote that said, “George RR Martin kills everyone you love.” Yeah, pretty much.

  5. Sarah permalink
    September 28, 2011 1:32 pm

    So IMO, teilo is real and is Pheobe father so she can see through his lies. Baby really was swapped BC same promised his first born. Teilo put Bee in Sams life so the kid had more fair blood

    Creep-eee

    You have lost all book recommending privileges for one month.

  6. Sue permalink
    June 13, 2013 10:00 pm

    Just finished it. Was Sam involved or not? When Phoebe wakes up from sedation, will she convince Sam that this is not their child? Will Evie come forward to help her convince him?

  7. Shelli permalink
    January 26, 2014 4:39 pm

    i just read this book… first off it was amazing but i cannot believe how it ended, it JUST ended – like the last scene from a damn movie where it leaves you wanting so much more (how cool would it be if this was made into a movie lol) – i almost think Sam was in on it from the beginning – i mean how could he not be – the whole damn family was loony tunes – of course i do question that cause part of me wants to think that Evie would of at some point warned Phoebe that Sam knew about it – i feel bad for Phoebe – it makes me think she’s gonna end up like her mother && Hazel – drinking just to be able to be around the child that she knows in her heart isnt hers – not being able to fully love her… just wanting to forget it all so she’ll be drowning out any emotion with any bottle she can get her hands on && poor (fake) Willa will be an outcast all her life n feel like only her Daddy truly loves her n will wanna be taken away by the King of Fairies – it will never end…

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