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“Cowboys and Indians in Suburbia” Or “My Moron Neighbors.” Take Your Pick.

August 23, 2011

I know Bachelor Pad was last night and technically I should do my review today while all that crazy is still fresh in my mind but it’ll have to wait. Yesterday, I tripped over a cord in my office and broke my phone and internet capabilities in my office.

I am the definition of grace.

(Sidenote: This isn’t the first time this has happened. When I first started working here, I did the same thing but since I was fairly new I wanted to avoid forever being known as the moron who couldn’t walk so I lied… I had tripped over the cord so violently it looked like a tiny mouse had been gnawing its way through it in preparation to set off some sort of Tom & Jerry style course of events. This is the story I went with. Little did I know that my new office mate has a completely irrational fear of mice and had a damn panic attack right in her office. *Sigh… )


Sunday night I had just gotten out of the shower and was leisurely drying my hair when Michael came bolting into the bathroom.

“There’s a dead deer in our yard!”

I gave him the Skeptical Hippo.

“No, there’s not, Mike. You’re being stupid.”

(Our house backs up to Nicholasville Road… There was just no way that a deer had wandered into our yard.)

“Ok, fine, it’s not dead but there IS a deer in our yard.”

I calmly put down my hair dryer and moseyed into our bedroom to peek out the window in the back yard and lo and behold, he was right. There was a deer in our yard.

It did not, however, happen to be of the living and breathing  variety.

So, as I’m standing there in a towel and wet hair I think to myself, “Well that’s odd considering neither of US placed the deer target in our back yard… Who would do su-“

That’s when my thoughts were cut short as an arrow flew through the air and pierced the fake deer.

“WHAT THE?!” I screamed. “Mike! They can’t do that!”


Another arrow made its way into our back yard, this time lodging itself in our grass because the person responsible for it had terrible aim.

YOU ALL. Our neighbors were shooting ARROWS into our back yard. You know who lives in our house? A small child, a small dog and a cat. I was livid. I looked at Mike, who was still staring out the window as he watched arrow after arrow fly through our airspace, and told him, “Go out there right now and tell them to stop!”

He immediately headed out the front door (We were trying to avoid ER trips for the night.) and walked two houses up where the brilliant men with the weapons were shooting. He said that at first they just stared at him when he introduced himself.

“Hey, guys, my name’s Mike and I live a couple of houses up and I can’t help but notice that you guys are shooting ARROWS into our back yard and well, we have a little girl and a small dog who like to play in our back yard so… Maybe you all could turn it the other way?”

Now, typically, I am amused by a person’s stupidity.

But this guy was just beyond help, “Oh man, we’re bein’ real careful not to hit any kids or nothin’. I’m just tryin’ to teach mah boys how to shoot for deer season.”

The stupidity of this statement… The grammar used in this statement… It makes me cross eyed with, I don’t even know what… Rage, perhaps? Pity? It’s an odd mix of emotions, I tell you.

Mike said, “Well that’s the thing because we just had arrows land in our back yard and like I said… Small child… small dog… Just turn it the other way.”

(I like how Mike had no concern for the neighbors on the other side.)

There was a bunch of grumbling from the guy and his idiot sons and they put an end to their target practice for the night. I, however, do not like the fact that we’re living within 50 feet of people who ever thought this was ok in the first place.

Me thinks it’s time to move…

One Comment leave one →
  1. August 23, 2011 7:30 pm

    That is seriously crazy. My neighbor has a target in his yard and shoots arrows at it. He is a total hillbilly. But all the yards are fenced. Is that just a Texas thing? Doesn’t a fenced back yard come with the home?
    Also, love skeptical hippo…heehee!

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