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The Return of Tan Lip

June 1, 2011

In the most unfortunate turn of events in 2011, Tan Lip has made an appearance. Yes, I thought last year I’d discovered the trick to stifling it, you know, by applying SPF 50 to only my lip but no. This year it seems to have gotten a little tougher. It’s like he looked at me and laughed and said, “Oh? The ol’ SPF 50 again? Nice try.” And then he went to work even harder than before.

Wait.

I’m getting ahead of myself. Some of you may not know what Tan Lip is. You can read about his first appearance here or I can just give you a quick recap. I have some weird issue where my upper lip gets tanner than the rest of my face. I KNOW. Who does that happen to??? Me, apparently. My grandmother just assumed her granddaughter had been growing a mustache and told me I could just go ahead and shave it. Ha, very funny grandma. Turns out, you can’t shave off skin. So for the majority of the summer I’m forced to walk around with concealer on my upper lip OR just allow people to think I’m planning on auditioning for the Incredible Bearded Lady spot in the circus. It’s a tough call.

I only have this problem in the summer when I’m in the sun a lot and I really, really thought I’d been so clever in its defeat last year. Aha! SPF 50 only on my upper lip! That’ll show him! But no. He’s back and he’s tan and I DON’T WANT TO LOOK LIKE I HAVE A MUSTACHE. Normally, this is where I would take a picture of the offending lip and post it for the world to see, but I’ve got makeup on today and it just doesn’t accurately portray the traumatic summer I’m in for should I not get this issue resolved. So, instead I’ve done a drawing to give you an idea of what I’m working with.

Ok, so that drawing sort of implies that it’s furry… It’s not. Also? It’s probably not that dark and I might be overexaggerating but look! Microsoft Paint is very limited in their color selection so this will have to do.  (I think I could start doing those drawings from court rooms, don’t you?)

So, what do I do?? Someone mentioned that this is hormone related and very similar to the Pregnancy Mask women sometimes get and eventually it goes away. Which, yes, fine, I admit it DOES go away WHEN I’M NOT IN THE SUN, but it’s summer! I’ll be in the sun for the next 4 months! My mom said something about getting it lasered off but holy crap, that just sounds painful! And finally, my dear grandma’s second suggestion (remember? Her first one was to SHAVE IT) was to get some skin bleach. Sounds painful but maybe it could work. I just don’t know. I’ve gotta find something soon or else, helloooooo Ringling Brothers.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Reck permalink
    June 1, 2011 9:32 am

    Finger mustache!

  2. June 1, 2011 9:48 am

    I have tan lip, too. I saw on Oprah once that it is where pigment tends to congregate above your lip and make it look like a mustache, even though it is skin and not hair. If you find the solution, I will pay WHATEVER the price to solve this issue. I am also currently trying 50 spf and no dice. Boo Tan Lip. Tan Lip you suck!

  3. June 1, 2011 12:44 pm

    At least you tan? I’m perma-Casper… So I have no advice.

  4. Matt permalink
    June 1, 2011 1:44 pm

    Isn’t that a dirty sanchez????

    • June 1, 2011 2:06 pm

      Yes, Matt… This entire time I’ve been talking about the Dirty Sanchez.

  5. Emily permalink
    June 11, 2011 11:57 pm

    I didn’t notice tan lip when I saw you at lunch the other day if it makes you feel any better.

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