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It’s The End Of The World As We Know It…*

May 20, 2011

Not really.

I mean, I don’t believe that, but apparently lots of people do. If you’ve been living under a rock or just choose to not ever turn on your tv, get on the internet, or if you live a life of seclusion similar to that of the unibomber, you should know that there are quite a few people believing that Jesus is making His return tomorrow. Why do they think that? Because some 89 year old kook came up with a mathematical formula saying that tomorrow, time’s up. Oh at 6pm, exactly. In every time zone.

Wait.

What?

Yeah, exactly.

If you’re a Christian, then I’m guessing you probably don’t buy into this either. That said, I really do mean I’m guessing. Why? Because I’ve had 3 people that I know come up to me and tell me that they’re genuinely worried about tomorrow.  I’ve tried to tell them otherwise. You know, I went the whole Matthew 24:36 route. I’ve tried the “why would you believe Harold Camping over JESUS?” But still, you can tell there’s a little hint of worry that tomorrow at 6pm (exactly. In every time zone. Wait. What? Yeah, exactly.) they’re going to witness Jesus’ return. I don’t understand why they think it but they do.

Me? Should Jesus return tomorrow at precisely 6pm, I’ll probably be at home, fixing dinner. You think Jesus likes pork chops? Hope so…

However, it did get me thinking about what I would do if the world started to crumble around me by way of, oh I dunno, zombie apocalypse, sun explosion, bird flu (do not judge me and my fear of the bird flu!) etc. Then, I remembered, my brother has this all figured out FOR US. (Sarah posted this once before when she cruelly ridiculed my slight concern over all the birds dropping dead.) Well, for our family at least. We’re probably not going to add anyone to our clan. WHAT? It’s a safety issue. Get your own plan!

(Kidding.  I’ll take some of you. Probably… Well, ok, I’ll only take the people I really like and that amounts to maybe four people. Five tops.)

At least I know Rocky will be safe.

Per an actual email from my brother:
End of the World Survival Guide
  • Aliens – Keep lots of water around and get camo suit. Keep cold in case of heat vision
  • Zombies – Aim for the head
  • Virus – Head to the wilderness
  • Nuclear War – Wear shades, grab gun, eat canned food and keep lots of gas on hand
  • Asteroid – Go to Mountain in middle of Rockies get snow clothes
  • Super Volcano – Head to coast, hijack ship to island in the middle of nowhere with seeds, vitamins and mushrooms
  • Ice Age – Head to equator live in Mayan Temple
  • Rapture – DO NOT GET 666 on forehead, go to church
  • Sun Explodes – Drink lots of alcohol and wait.

So, if you want to know what I definitely WON’T be doing this weekend, it’s getting 666 tattooed on my forehead. Sorry, those are the rules.

*I hate myself for that title. I could have done better and chose not to. SHAME.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 20, 2011 11:17 am

    That’s right! Your brother did lay out exactly what to do in case of Rapture. He’s the best!

  2. May 20, 2011 11:29 am

    It only worries me because if I’ve spent the last 9 months of my life pregnant and NOT had the baby before the world ends? Going to be really pissed.

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