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March 25, 2011

Have I ever told you about my office? Well, if not, and you love a good office story, then get ready! Today is your lucky day.

I work with a lot of people. Some fun people, some not-so-fun people and some really weird people. I suppose there are times I could qualify in the “really weird people” category but I like to think of it more as “unique.” Possibly “quirky.” Also: Smartass.

For example, I’m sure the people who clean my office at night are often confused about the decorations on my desk.

Yeah, so, I have a thing for the Predator. What of it?

But! Today’s post is not to detail the weird figurines Mike got me for Christmas. This is an office story, remember? Anyways, we have a continuing problem in our office where people consistently take things out of the break room fridge and eat them. Yes! Like let’s say there’s a Lean Cuisine hanging out in the fridge without a name Sharpied on it… Free game, apparently. I wasn’t aware that we had such crooks working here when I bought my first bottle of delicious, flavored coffee creamer. I innocently placed it in the fridge just assuming people would be, you know, HONEST.

No go.

I find it later opened up, 1/3 of it gone… Who does that?! Who just assumes a bottle of coffee creamer is the community creamer?!

CROOKS, that’s who.

The next time I bought some creamer, I put my name on it, thinking that would be enough. WRONG. Same exact thing. Someone just took it for their coffeee. Like it was free! Like I didn’t pay $5 for a bottle of creamer! For a while, I decided it was not meant for me to enjoy the deliciousness of the liquid creamer so I switched to the powder which I could keep in my drawer. But soon enough, reality set in: IT JUST WASN’T AS GOOD.

I’m pretty sure that’s the day I stood up on my desk and gave a speech for similar to the one Gerard Butler gives in “300.” (THIS! IS! SPARTA!) And then I kicked my computer off my desk and was basically a total badass.

Not really.

I did, however, decide enough was enough and people were going to stop stealing my creamer. The next bottle not only had my name but a note as well.

It worked. Oh happy day! Nobody was stealing my creamer! The Creamer Crook had been stopped! Until I brought some pimento cheese in…

I put my name on it and well, it’s pimento cheese. Only me and like 16 other old ladies in America like that stuff. I thought it was safe!

I was a fool. Someone ate half of it. Like just scooped it out! And how was I to know that they didn’t just use their finger to dig it out of its container?? Alas, for the safety of my health and my will to not die because of tainted pimento cheese, I threw it out.

The next time I brought some in, I placed this note on it:

It worked. No one touched it but me… who managed to eat it until it made me sick. So, kids, the moral of this story is, in my office only eluding to possible death if consumed will protect your lunch from the greedy hands that rummage through the break room fridge at lunch.


One Comment leave one →
  1. March 25, 2011 1:37 pm

    Have you bought the cheese again since the sickness?

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