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The Annoying Scale

July 2, 2010

Because it’s just been one of those weeks. Because I’ve realized people think I’m funnier when I’m cynical. Because it’s Friday and for some reason it feels like Monday… I give you The Annoying Scale.

The Happy Starbucks Barista
Annoyance Rating: 9/10

If you follow me on Twitter (which you should… why are you NOT?) then you know I have it out for the HSB. (Seriously, I even talked about it here at Absohilare) They are one of my many banes of existence. (I’m not sure you can have more than one bane but I do so… there.) They’re entirely too chipper. I understand that Starbucks probably gathers all their new employees during orientation and they’re like, “Now, what do we want to send out customers off with? That’s right! Coffee and a smile! So chat ’em up! Let ’em know you care!” Fine, it’s a requirement of the job. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. AND I DON’T. Not one bit. I don’t want to tell you about my day, or my plans for the weekend or what I do for a living. I just want to sit there in silence while I wait for my coffee. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK? I don’t think it is.

Tan Lip
Annoyance Rating: 10/10

I’ve never had an issue with getting tan. I’ve got a teensy bit of Indian heritage (Cherokee to be exact) so I credit my ability to get fairly dark to that. However, my upper lip likes to be an overachiever. It likes to go the distance and then some. This summer I’ve been in the pool almost every weekend. I flop onto my pink innertube as Evie splashes away in the shallow end and soak up some rays. Except now? Now it appears as though I have a mustache because my upper lip is getting tanner than the rest of my body! WHO does that happen to?! At first, I thought it was just me noticing it and praying that nobody else did and swearing that I would lather on the sunblock this coming weekend. NOPE. The other night at dinner, my grandma grabs my face in her hands and is all, “What is that?? Hmm…” I’m immediately defensive and brush her away, “It’s just my skin. It got tanner than the rest of my face for some reason.” She completely ignores my statement and just assumes her granddaughter is growing a mustache and says,

“Well you could always just shave it.”

WHAT?! I am NOT going to shave my face. I do not NEED to shave my face. I just have a tan upper lip!!!

Ever since that handy little convo I’m now even extra paranoid about Tan Lip. Dammit.

Loud Talker at Chipotle
Annoyance Rating: 6/10

I have a thing against loud noises in general. Babies crying, repetitive tapping of the feet, excessive slurping… All of that makes me so tense I could crawl out of my skin. One day I got so concerned about my extreme hatred for really noisy things, I looked it up to see if I had some sort of sensory condition. Turns out? I’m just a baby. Regardless. It gets to me. Anyways, today I was at lunch with Em and as we’re walking away from the trash cans I hear this lady practically screaming to her friend, “DID YOU HEAR THE NEWS??? THE NEWS ABOUT FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS???”

Ok, first off, it may have been more annoying that her friend said, “Nope” and then just went on her way. Why didn’t they want to know? How did that not pique their interest??? What if it was life altering news! Who walks away from a question like that?! I would have felt shafted had Emily done that to me if I was the one screaming out this question.

Secondly, I was mainly annoyed because, No! I didn’t hear the news! WHAT NEWS?! We just ate at Chipotle which, in my mind, is a fast food restaurant! ARE WE ALL GOING TO DIE BECAUSE WE ATE AT CHIPOTLE?! Do I need medical attention?!

And yet, because she was a complete stranger, I didn’t feel like I could ask her. She wandered off to her car and I stood there with an open mouth wondering if I had just sealed my fate with a burrito.

So, there you have it. My Annoying Scale for this week.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. July 2, 2010 7:07 pm

    All your blogging makes me happy.

    Also, the tan lip…and your grandma. LOL.

  2. July 5, 2010 9:39 pm

    LOUD NOISES!!! I hate them too, nothing irks me more. People playing loud music also irk me (I don’t mind when I do it, just someone else). The worst noise I’ve ever heard was someone trying to get something out of their teeth. Ughhhhh. I wanted to shake that guy. Carry along…


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